this weekend was city stages’ 20th anniversary and while the line-up was quite impressive i quickly realized why i do not go every year. hot, sticky frat boys. and not hot as in “hawt”, rather hot as in “would you please get the hell off me, you’re ax body spray deodorant stopped working nine hours ago”.

joe bonamassa performing at the miller lite stage. yeah, i don’t know who he is either.

stoned cobra at the engel homegrown stage. they’re name should’ve been “canadian tuxedo”.

i don’t know what is sexier: the guy’s pirates of the caribbean hat or the fact that his best friend is homeless dan.

bree and bird who is totally heterosexual. he’ll tell you so too.

not in any relation to city stages we bought a new coverlet and sheets this weekend. our other comforter was red velvet and was like a blanket of ick. i probably would have slept better in an oven.

cooper and i played with mr. seal, her stuffed blue seal from new orleans. mr. seal has had a hard life. both his head and his tail have been ripped open and stuffing falls out of him if you even look at him wrong. cooper’s love/hate relationship with stuffed animals has always been interesting. especially if they have squeakers. her first task is to rip open one orifice and find the cause of the squeaking. once it’s only means of protesting have been substantially chewed she finishes off said animal by violently shaking every piece of poly-blend fiber out of it’s body until nothing remains but an empty carcass of felt and buttons.

three things i love to talk about: farts, pooping and my hair. not in that particular order.
i was tired of having the sweat of death on the back of my neck in this alabama summer. and if the two people who are not from alabama read this, yes it is hot here. hotter than me talking about my bowel movements at a bar. i am sex personified.

my “jesus christ on a stick it is hot out here!” hairdo is courtesy of lisa at orbit salon. hi lisa! she made my head feel twenty pounds lighter and a thousand times cuter. atleast the girl at the stop-n-go said so.

and if by chance my hairdo isn’t your taste, here is a big, fat, squishy kitty. everyone loves thick pussy. now pull your mind out of the gutter.

goodnight my angel face. i love you more than you know. you brought nothing but happiness to our lives. watching you chase down squirrels in the yard, barking at the thunderstorms. hugging us by standing on the bed and bowing your head on our chests. trying to eat cooper and keep her out of trouble. you were not a dog, you were our daughter. with four long and graceful legs. your bark did not fit your tiny frame. i loved how you would become indignant at the comments of “is that a whippet?”. doing zoomies around the house as fast as you possibly could and then collapsing in a big heap on the floor with a huge grin on your face. my little bed hog. my sweet girl. my moe moes. molly holly, catie, the face. we are better for knowing and being loved by you.

i will miss you terribly.

MollyCate (LD’s Pigaroo): January 18, 2000 - June 3, 2008

i was going to do an all white photo post, but it ended up being a dog photo session. i am lazy, here me yawn.

hai, i iz lira. i iz a nut.

our rose bush is in bloom. i wish the innernets was scratch & sniff.

more pretty smelling things in my yard.

hai! i see u haz doritos.

i brung backup in case u wudn’t give up dorito.

hai, i’m still heer. doritos not my foretay.

this weekend was off the chain as my mother would say. what? you’re mother doesn’t use ethnic slang? friday night kev and i went to see fresh ground comics, a stand-up comedy group from right here in birmingham. years of racism and blowing shit up will make anyone crazy enough to get up in front of a roomful of strangers and bitch about flavored lube. despite the hurricane force winds and flash flooding we ventured out to catch mike mccall and his merry band of emo rejects perform. i kid! all of the guys did really well.

5 minutes before showtime and mike still doesn’t have his shit together.

dmoney turned 32 saturday and threw herself one kick ass party. i can’t remember the last time i had a keg at a party. of course i don’t, i was probably curled up in a fetal position around it’s empty barrel. and no, it is not a coincidence that we’re all wearing irreverent t-shirts. only 2 of us are actual douchebags.

dmoney models the earrings i gave her for her birthday. it’s a free trade product so the 100 year old tibetan lady who fashioned them, while hunched over in a 4×4 sweatbox, was compensated handsomely with a goat.

if i was a meteorologist i would constantly send out cloud fart weather warnings.

that is juice in the cup. yummy, yummy hoppy juice.

at parties in the South we burn shit. in a cauldron. dancing naked under the full moon is not required until your third visit.

hot pr0n. need i say more?

rob in repose. that would make a great band name. a band that does falco covers.

all photos can be seen here. go there now! or i’ll turn you into a newt!

on a lighter and less “she’s a witch! burn her!” note, i offer you the following:

after the rains yesterday our backyard turned into a pond. i am now investing in doggy life jackets for the girls.

dmoney rocks out. although not with her cock out.

nothing is more fun than taking photos in a bathroom. be glad i didn’t take a photo of my bowel movement.

i asked for it and i got it. while the majority of the comments to this post were positive or neutral a couple of you voiced your opinion on my apparent heathenism. i’ve been thinking for the past couple of weeks how to follow up my post on Christianity and every thing i’ve written turned out to be this long-winded diatribe about growing up under the oppressive thumb of the Baptist private school system, being brainwashed, and wah!, listen to me whine about my blessed childhood. so here it is in a nutshell: i’m not anti-Christianity, i’m not even anti-God, i’m just starting to come out from everything that i’ve been taught as true and beginning to ask real questions. does this make me an atheist? no. does this make me a bad person? certainly not. will some family and friends shun me? probably, but thems the breaks for being of independent mind and free-will. i’ve been a sheep for so long and blindly followed the teachings of the church without stopping to say, hey, something just doesn’t add up here. i would rather be true to myself and my heart than pretend to be something that i might not be.

contrary to belief i am not in a dark place. in fact, at this time i couldn’t be happier. telling someone they are in a “dark place” simply because they don’t necessarily believe what you believe is part of the reason we have people ramming planes into buildings. i love and accept all of you for your beliefs and do not look down upon you, so is it right for you to do the same? i do not remember the Bible teaching “love one another, but only if they believe as you do”. hipocricy is a fickle madame. i don’t begrudge any of you your beliefs and welcome you to “pray for me”, but i ask this, spend your prayers on those who really need it: for abused and molested children. pray for all the innocents that die at the hands of disease, famine, war. pray that man can find peace, whether through religion or science.

the poster on Christianity was not intended to criticize, but to open a dialogue. last year when i went to see my family in albuquerque, a girl who sat next to me on the plane inquired about my religious beliefs. instead of engaging in a civilized conversation about God, Jesus, and all that jazz, she shoved pamphlets in my hands and lectured me on questioning “our Lord and Savior”. what did she accomplish? other than making me want to shove her body in the luggage rack, nothing. this kamikaze style preaching is grotesque and violating.

a friend of mine told me today “The reasons why religion is so powerful are many, but at the root is humanity’s need for its existence to mean more than living and dying. Religion answers that. It answers all of those questions. Those answers are wrong, but religion is easy to accept. It doesn’t require questioning, thought, or even an understanding, just acceptance.” maybe that is all there is to this life: living and dying. ashes to ashes.

i am 30 minutes from a possible meltdown. no hair will be spared. all hairs will be hurt in this production.

oh how i have strayed from the flock. and if i believed in hell i would probably be going there at the end of my long non-believer life just for posting what you see below. i’m sorry, though, truer words were never spoken.

the line to pelt me with Bibles forms to the left.

have you seen the target commercial with milla jovovich and that blonde designer lady? am i the only one who doesn’t understand how clothes can be “ironic”. are they clothes that you don’t wear or something?

::forehead slap::